The Interviewer
By Mystikal
The Interviewer
Written by: Mystikal
I was just assigned to do a simple job. A simple job? HA! You try having to put up with a bunch of mutant freaks who look at you as if your stupid just for asking a question about secrets. My questions were well thought out I thought.
## Flashback ##
The Interviewer looked at the name of his first interviewee. Gene Ahner. The White…Bastard? What kinda title is that? He watched as the man calmly walked into the room and took a seat in the chair that had been provided. Well, he doesn’t look so tough to me. He interviewed him, asking his questions. Most of which were answered. Though, the White Bastard certainly came off as a…bastard at times.
“So, do you have any secrets Mr. Ahner?”
Gene looked up at that. He really hated being called that; and the interviewer had done it numerous times. Gene quietly took out one of his knives he had and something to sharpen it with. He began the methodical practice of sharpening his knife, making sure to not answer for a few moments. He noted how uncomfortable the man suddenly was.
“Sure do,” Gene finally replied as he threw the dagger into the wall directly behind the interviewer’s head. “Wanna hear one?” he asked, moving his chair closer to the other mans.
## END FLASHBACK ##
I wasn’t scared of him. What an asshole. Then there was that Lion King...Simba something or other. No…Mufasa. He came off as a completely arrogant person. And talk about punk lifestyle. You shoulda seen those tattoos on him. No wonder he can’t get a decent gig. I wouldn’t hire him to play at my mistress’s funeral.
## Flashback ##
The interviewer watched as his next person came in. Khalid Hunter? The performer? He watched as the big black man came in and sat down in the chair. Khalid smiled as he looked at the interviewer.
“Do you need to go change your pants or something?”
“I’m sorry?” the interviewer asked.
“Nevermind.” The interviewer proceeded to ask his questions, turning red at the response that was given to the question about Khalid’s virginity.
“So…Mufasa,” the interviewer said, trying to hide the laugh when he said the name. “What do you consider the perfect date?”
“A Steinway piano, a glass of champagne, flowers…”
The interviewer wrote down Mufasa’s answer and mumbled, “and he wonders why he doesn't have a love life...”
“Excuse me?!”
The interviewer looked up from his notes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t say anything. So what to you regret…”
“I have superhearing you moron,” Khalid growled through clenched teeth. “Do you think I’m an idiot.”
“Yes...I mean…” Khalid didn’t let him finish. He walked over to him, and placing two fingers underneath the man’s chin and threw him against the wall. “Fucknut. I hope you don’t have too much of a sex life…”
“What the hell…”
“You’re impotent for a week. Have fun,” he said teleporting away.
## End Flashback ##
Impotent my ass. That asshole is lucky I don’t sue him. Maybe I will. Then there was that pie obsessed freak. He needs to be committed and kept away from pies for the rest of his life. All the answers had something to do with pie!
## Flashback ##
The interviewer looked Nate up and down. So this is the Black Prince. Funny, I was expecting more. Nate sat down and looked around the room, obviously bored. The man began asking his questions, wondering why Nate answers all involved pie.
“Sir, I don’t think pie would be considered the answer to life. Can’t you take this a bit more seriously?”
“There’s nothing more important than pie damn you!”
“IF you could just take this a little seriously, I could finish my job!”
“Seriously? Well with an attitude like that…expect more my ass!” Nate said glaring at the interviewer.
“Who said anything about expecting more? I just would appreciate you taking this seriously.”
“I’m a TELEPATH…dumbass.”
## End Flashback ##
I don’t care though. He wasn’t as badass as he thought he was. Then there was that girl. The one with the silver hair. She was far too mouthy… and bitchy. She was a bitch. Yea, she answered the questions, but she has some snide, immature remark to follow it with.
## Flashback ##
Mysty walked into the room smiling. She had heard about the other’s experiences, so she was convinced that she would be prepared. She noticed him looking at her. She sat down and the interview began.
“So, Miss Watson, how did you lose your virginity?”
“I’m still a virgin thank you.”
“Oh? Interesting.”
“How so?”
“You just seem as if you would have had many boyfriends?”
“Are you saying I look like a slut?”
“NO! I would never…”
“Uh-huh.” He finished asking his questions, noting that her answers got more and more sarcastic. When they had finally finished she got up to leave.
“Oh, one more thing ma’am.”
“Yes?”
“What is your phone number…so I can...uhm…get back to you on the interview?”
“867-5309.”
## End Flashback ##
I knew she’d appeared to be slut. I’ve seen that number lots of times before. I think it might have been on television once too. Then there was Daemon. The arrogant, self-righteous bastard from hell. He had them all beat.
## Flashback ##
The interviewer watched as the man dressed completely in black walked in. He’s so short. Heh….scary midget… The interviewer found it rather annoying that Daemon wouldn’t take off his sunglasses, but refreshing that he was at least answering his questions seriously. The interviewer felt that this man was self-important. No wonder a couple people said they enjoyed annoying this man. I’d enjoy it.
“So…Daemon, is there anything you regret most?”
“Sure, lots of things. Like, how I’ve managed to sit through this entire interview without smacking you outta sure stupidity.”
“I’m sorry?” the interviewer spluttered.
“Look, I’ve heard all the horror stories. I’d advise you to just take your questions and shove them up your ass.”
## End Flashback ##
Yea. Arrogant. Anyways, I’m done here. I won’t put up with this anymore.
The Interviewer picked up his stuff and began to head out the door of the room he had been in all day. He was startled to see, upon opening the door, Gene, Mufasa, Nate, Mysty and Daemon. They were all glaring at him.
“Not as BADASS as I think I am, eh?”
THE END!